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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

So...yesterday afternoon the scene in the movie was a hotel room. Harvey was in London for his daughter's wedding. Her mother rented a house for everyone to stay at which, of course, did not include her ex-husband, Harvey. As I watched I thought, "I would never...I will never...do that to my ex-husband." I almost wanted to call him and tell him so. And then I realized that I would be the one alone at the hotel. I wouldn't have the money to do the house-renting, my ex-husband would, and I would be the one left out. My heart ached as I looked at the expression on Dustin Hoffman's face, as Harvey sat forlornly on the foot of the bed. I've worn that expression.

My middle daughter got married out-of-state. The wedding happened to be on my ex-husband's weekend with the children, so the younger two traveled with him. I was in a relationship with a man who went with me. My ex's girlfriend and mother were with him, as well as our younger two, so he naturally had the large cabin and I had one of the smaller cabins. My ex graciously invited us for breakfast the morning after our arrival, which went smoothly. But that just isn't the same as staying with everyone.

My daughter hadn't wanted a big wedding. She hadn't really wanted a wedding at all, it turned out. I think she was worried about how the family situation, the Mom-and-Dad situation, would work out and she had just wanted to avoid it all.

Working only part-time for $8/hr, I couldn't afford to take any time off of work, and my boyfriend had a work commitment on Sunday afternoon. We left home after he got off work, drove 11 hours out Friday night, and left immediately after supper on Saturday to return home, staying the night half-way back. We'd arrived late on Friday, and left directly after the dinner that followed the wedding. I was never introduced properly to my son-in-law's family...who thought that my ex's girlfriend was my daughter's mother. I felt very much left-out at both the ceremony and reception dinner. I think I handled it well, but that ache...that sadness deep in one's heart. I know that pain.

My point in that description of the weekend is that so many things - even family events - come down to money; the 'haves and have nots'. I always seem to be the have-not, and am struggling to figure out how to change that.

1 comment:

  1. I have often felt poorly about the way my wedding went for you. I wish you could have spent more time there. We can't change it. It is what it is. About you staying with everyone...you're not with those people anymore. They were a different chapter in your life. I am sorry you didn't have a better place to stay. You can start planning now for the next wedding, and then you won't run in to that issue.
    With regards to the size of my ceremony-I think it's crazy to spend oodles of money on a wedding, and we weren't going to have a ceremony, because there's no way the long distance folks could have made it in time. I am perfectly comfortable with our family situation. Are you kidding, I am more than used to the way things were/are. I have dealt with the divorce.

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